You best be looking for somebody else.
Warsan Shire (via coyotegold)
I’m trying to think of a profound spiel to type up because I just said goodbye to you. But all I can think about is that night in Halifax we heard a creepy noise and I got scared and crawled into your bed….and it turned out to be the toilet, clogged, and flooding the house. Then our catastrophic task of sopping it all up in the middle of the night. Exhausted but laughing, happy. But I think perhaps this is a perfect analogy of our friendship. Despite the messes we have often found ourselves in or the walls we have come to face, somehow we have learned to laugh in the midst of chaos and become stronger individuals together. That night you told me how to turn the water off and we successfully stopped the floodgates! You so often help me cease the wreckage in my own life. Having each others back and showing honest tough love. I feel as though you are one of the few who has truly understood me and you always cared for me despite my insanity! Thank you for being amazing and always so gorgeous to look upon. I love you.
Two of my favourite people graduate this weekend! I will miss them dearly.
Dream for an Insomniac
I expected you to be everything that they were not. I put you at an unfair disadvantage when I placed you on the pedestal of my idealistic longings. The pressure lapped at you like harsh waves pulling in the tide. You became lost in their break and I cannot blame you. I’m a tough person to lull into a routine life and too strange to love.
I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves.
I keep my lamp lit, to warn the sailors on their way.
I’ll tell a story, paint you a picture from my past.
I was so happy, but joy in this life seldom lasts.
And the waves crashing around me, the sand slips out to sea.
And the winds that blow remind me, of what has been, and what can never be.
It’s so refreshing. The scent, it brings back a floodgate of memories. I miss the east, I miss my home. I want to be there right now…driving on washed out red country roads. Lying on my warm summer deck and feeling the drops pellet around me. I want the rain to lull me to sleep again, as it did many, many times back then. A silent reverie. The calming properties of rain I have come to love so dearly. It never rains here.
But God must’ve looked down and realized that today of all days, I needed the rain.
I’m told the butterflies erupt near the beginning, all the novel memories are in the making, the giddy uncertainties of leaning in to kiss him for the first time. Bliss even.
These feelings are refreshing but I become eager to keep exploring. Tracing familiar lips and resting my head against your chest, comfortable, a place to call my home. I’d rather assimiliate the way you smile, what stirs your heart, your sense of adventure, your longings, your fears, the rawness of you.
It’s someone becoming vulnerable - raw, and beginning to selflessly love everything that makes them who they are…that’s what I call bliss.
Well if you can’t get what you love
You learn to love the things you’ve got
If you can’t be what you want
You learn to be the things you’re not
If you can’t get what you need
You learn to need the things that stop you dreaming
All the things that stop you dreaming
It’s your birthday today. I keep rotating my phone in my hand but I can’t rev up the courage to forgive and love. Or to love and forgive. This is mostly because I can’t locate any sense of admiration or affection associated with you. I’m having such a tough time forgiving due to that deficiency. This side is the worst of me, it angers me and shuts me down all in one swift movement. It suspends me in a feeling of weakness. Because I always feel that there is nothing I can do….nowhere I can move…